Why Women Are Leaving Their Marriages — and It’s Not ‘Quiet Quitting  The Cut recently published a piece about midlife women “quietly quitting” their marriages, which… sweetie, no. Women are not quietly quitting anything. Women don’t even quietly close a cabinet. If women ever quietly quit, it’s because they’re already six emotional miles past the breaking point. The idea that women slowly drift out of marriages like ghosts in a Pottery Barn catalog? Absolutely not. Women don’t quietly quit. Women quietly try for years, while no one listens. Ask any woman in a long-term heterosexual relationship. She didn’t just float into the guest room because she wanted her “own space.” She got there after: asking for help asking again explaining the problem explaining the problem again sending a podcast episode forwarding the therapist’s number reading the relationship book begging bargaining carrying collapsing getting back up and finally, putting down the emotional load she’s been carrying solo since 2011 But sure — let’s call that “quiet quitting.” It sounds better than “her husband ignored 4,000 opportunities to be a partner.” And the wildest part? That framing came from a woman writer. A woman who has absolutely, definitely, 100% asked a man to do something and watched him glitch like a Roomba hitting a wall — or stare at the task like it’s a Rubik’s Cube covered in hieroglyphics. Which makes this whole thing feel less like cultural commentary and more like… forgetting your own search history. If Women Are Quiet, It’s Because They Already Said Everything Out Loud Here’s a fun fact: Women don’t “mysteriously withdraw.” They wear out. They do nearly double the unpaid household labor men do (Bianchi et al., 2012). They do three times the childcare (Parker & Wang, 2013). They do the “cognitive labor” — calendars, birthdays, appointments, dentist reminders, emotional regulation for the entire home (Daminger, 2019). Women are the household’s operating system. Men are… pop-up notifications. So when a woman stops doing the emotional gymnastics required to keep the marriage from flatlining, it’s not quiet quitting. It’s gravity. Yet the minute she stops performing Relationship CPR, here comes Mr. “Why Didn’t You Tell Me?” with all the enthusiasm of someone discovering laundry for the first time. She DID tell you. She sent you the syllabus. She color-coded it. And Here’s What The Cut Article Really Missed: Silence Isn’t Always Safe There’s a reason some women “get quiet,” and it’s not mystery — it’s survival. Heterosexual marriage in America has a long, unsettling history, starting with the fact that marital rape wasn’t fully criminalized nationwide until 1993 (National Research Council, 1996). Your favorite ’90s song is older than the right of married women to say no. And today? 1 in 4 women endure severe intimate partner violence (Smith et al., 2018). 14% of married women have been raped by their spouse (Bergen, 1996). Nearly half of women murdered are killed by partners (UNODC, 2019). But here’s the part that makes the “quiet quitting” narrative feel almost dystopian: The President of the United States literally said that if “a man has a little fight with the wife,” people unfairly treat it like a crime — dismissing domestic violence as “much lesser things, things that take place in the home,” according to Forbes. “Much lesser things.” Women heard that. Women ALWAYS hear that. When the leader of your country — the man controlling nuclear codes — waves away domestic violence as a household misunderstanding, you understand exactly why women stop shouting. Not because they’re quitting a marriage. But because they’re living in a system that pretends to protect them while quietly stripping away their autonomy. Also Missing: The Financial Trap Door Women Live On If marriage were Monopoly, men would start with Boardwalk and women would start with $7 and a thimble. Financial reality keeps women tethered: 99% of abusive relationships include financial abuse (Adams et al., 2008). Women earn 82 cents to a man’s dollar (U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, 2023). Women’s income drops up to 40% after divorce (Smock et al., 1999). The “motherhood penalty” is basically a lifelong tax (Budig & Hodges, 2010). Women aren’t staying because they’re quietly quitting. They’re staying because leaving requires a safety net the world refuses to give them. Women know exactly what divorce would cost. Men know exactly what marriage currently saves them. Meanwhile, Tradwives Are Out Here Monetizing Patriarchy in 4K While women are drowning in invisible labor, danger, and financial precarity, the tradwife movement is hosting a TikTok renaissance of apron-clad Stepford cosplay. Tradwives: “A woman’s place is in the home.” Also tradwives: “Use my affiliate code for 20% off this Victorian-style bonnet.” They preach bread-kneading femininity while running six-figure influencer businesses from ring-light-lit kitchens. They depend on the algorithm, the way they tell women to rely on men. It’s cute until you realize it’s propaganda with a sponsorship link. A woman leaving an unhappy marriage is shamed. A woman reenacting 1950s domesticity on TikTok is paid. But sure — women are “quietly quitting.” Women Aren’t Quiet Quitters. Men Are Quiet Coasters. Women are the HR department. Women are the logistics division. Women are the emotional architects, the conflict mediators, the crisis-response unit. Men? Men are the interns who keep asking where the stapler is. And when women finally stop performing unpaid overtime, suddenly everyone acts shocked. Women didn’t quit. Men never clocked in. The Quiet Quitting Narrative Isn’t Just Wrong — It’s Convenient Because if women are “quietly quitting,” then men didn’t fail. If women are “quietly quitting,” we don’t have to talk about violence. If women are “quietly quitting,” we don’t have to talk about money. If women are “quietly quitting,” we don’t have to talk about men’s disengagement. The narrative protects the very people who benefit most from women’s labor. It’s not quiet quitting. It’s quiet rebellion. Quiet clarity. Quiet self-preservation. Women aren’t drifting from their marriages. They’re outgrowing them. If The Cut wants to tell that story? Great. Let’s tell the real one next time.